Stress In Your Body
Understanding Psychosomatic Symptoms. A Friendly Guide to the Emotional Roots of Physical Tension.
I’ve always been fascinated by the ways stress weaves its way into our daily lives. Our minds are bombarded with information, and, in trying to keep up, we sometimes push difficult feelings aside—only to find that stress shows up somewhere else: in our bodies. Recently, I read an article by Sean Grover, author of When the Kids Call the Shots, that explores how certain parts of our bodies hold onto specific emotions. His insights really resonated with me, and I wanted to both share his wisdom and add a few personal reflections. Throughout this article, I’ll clearly point out which ideas come from Grover and where I’ve added my own thoughts or supporting research. Let’s dive in!
1.Lower Back relates to ANGER. When we “sit on” frustration or suppress anger, our lower backs often carry the load. Think of it like an overloaded backpack you refuse to set down—eventually, your back complains. Grover suggests that instead of bottling up anger, we should find healthy ways to address conflicts as they arise. This advice is echoed by research showing a link between chronic lower back pain and repressed anger or unresolved emotional issues. So, next time your back aches, consider if there’s a frustration you’ve been holding in. Expressing your feelings constructively is like lightening your emotional backpack.
2.Stomach & Intestines relates to FEAR. Grover notes that fear often hits us “in the gut.” Expressions like “I’m sick to my stomach” are more than figures of speech. When we ignore or deny our fears, our digestive system might protest with tension, nausea, or cramps. Scientific studies support this connection—the gut-brain axis means anxiety and fear can directly influence gastrointestinal symptoms. Grover recommends acknowledging your fears and talking them through with someone you trust. Naming your worry is like turning on a light in a dark room; suddenly, it doesn’t seem so overwhelming.
3. Heart & Chest relates to HURT. Matters of the heart can literally cause our chests to tighten. Grover links chest tension to emotional hurt, especially from relationships. Ignoring heartbreak is like trying to ignore a heavy stone pressing on your chest. Allowing yourself to grieve and honor your sadness can lift that weight. Research in psychosomatic medicine confirms that emotional pain, especially around loss, is associated with chest discomfort and even increased cardiovascular risk. Let yourself feel, so your heart can heal.
4. Headache relates to LOSS OF CONTROL. If you’re someone who likes to keep everything under control, Grover warns that your head might bear the brunt when life goes off-script. Trying to micromanage every detail can lead to tension headaches or migraines. Studies have found that perfectionism and excessive control are linked to higher rates of stress-induced headaches. Sometimes, the best remedy is to let go a little—accept what you can’t change, and give your mind a break. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, have been shown to reduce headache frequency and severity.
5. Neck /Shoulder Tension relates to BURDENS & RESPONSIBILITIES. “Shouldering” too many responsibilities isn’t just a saying—it can become a literal pain in the neck. Grover suggests that people who struggle to ask for help or delegate often experience tightness in their neck and shoulders. Think of it as trying to balance a stack of plates on your shoulders all day. Research has linked chronic musculoskeletal tension in these areas to high perceived stress and workload. Lighten your load by sharing responsibilities and asking for support when you need it.
6. Fatigue relates to RESENTMENTS. Grover points out that holding onto resentment drains energy, leaving you feeling perpetually tired. Resentment stresses your entire body and does more damage to you than the people you resent. Blaming others, playing the victim, reliving the events–these are the empty calories of self-expression. Resentments keep you from living in the moment and experiencing the benefits of being present. When you focus on those who wronged you, you are giving in them free real estate in your head. Instead, try to focus on forgiveness or at the very least, moving on. Strive for more fulfilling relationships, add a healthy dose of self-care, and you’ll feel years younger in no time.
7. Numbness relates to TRAUMA. When trauma overwhelms us, we might go emotionally or physically numb, Grover explains. This is our mind’s way of shielding us from pain, but over time, unprocessed trauma can become “stuck” in the body. Bessel van der Kolk’s work on trauma shows that people often report numbness, dissociation, or even loss of sensation as a result of unresolved traumatic experiences. The first step to healing is recognizing this pattern and seeking help—because no one should face trauma alone.
8. Breathing Difficulties relates to ANXIETY. Ever felt your chest tighten or struggled to breathe during a stressful moment? Grover highlights how anxiety can trigger panic attacks and make us feel suffocated. It’s as if stress is squeezing the air out of your lungs. Research on panic disorder confirms that anxiety can disrupt normal breathing patterns. Simple practices like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can give your body the “fresh air” it craves and help restore calm.
9. Voice & Throat Problems relates to OPPRESSION. Grover describes how growing up in an oppressive environment can silence your voice—even as an adult. You might feel tension in your throat or find it difficult to speak up, as if you’re swallowing your words. This can be compared to a “closed gate” that keeps your thoughts locked inside. Journaling and reading aloud can help you reconnect with your voice and challenge your inner critic. Research shows that expressive writing is beneficial for emotional processing and physical health.
10. Insomnia relates to LOSS OF SELF. Grover associates sleeplessness with times of major life change, when anxiety about the unknown keeps us up at night. In my own experience, writing down worries or talking them out with a friend can help quiet the mind before bed. Studies support this—journaling about worries or plans before sleep can reduce bedtime rumination and improve sleep quality. Facing change head-on, rather than avoiding it, helps you reclaim restful sleep and peace of mind.
Whether it’s Grover’s insights, supporting research, or my thoughts, one thing is clear: our bodies are always sending us messages about our emotions. When we learn to listen—rather than ignore or suppress our feelings—we take better care of ourselves and those we love. As you reflect on your own stress signals, consider what your body might be trying to tell you. Greater self-awareness can lead to less stress, deeper relationships, and, as studies suggest, even a longer, happier life.
If you close your eyes and check in with your body in this exact moment, where are you holding your breath, and what is that tightness trying to tell you?
Wellness to your health,
Virginia
