How "Towards" and "Away" Moves Shape Your Life

All day long, from the moment we wake up to the moment we fall asleep (and honestly, even while we’re sleeping), humans do things. We are constantly in motion, making choices, and reacting to the world around us.

But have you ever stopped to look at the direction your actions are taking you?

If you strip away all the psychological jargon, every single thing we do can be broken down into two simple directions: Towards moves and Away moves. Understanding the difference between the two might just be the ultimate cheat code for a better life.

Think of your day as a series of forks in the road. At any given moment, you are making one of two moves:

1. The Towards Move

These are the actions that pull you closer to the life you actually want to live. When you’re making a towards move, you are behaving like the person you want to be. You’re doing things that make your life feel richer, fuller, and more meaningful. It’s calling a friend, finishing that project, or choosing a nourishing meal.

2. The Away Move

These are the actions that push you further from the life you want. When you make an away move, you’re acting ineffectively. You’re behaving unlike your best self, doing things that might feel good right now but tend to make life worse, heavier, or more complicated in the long term. It’s endless scrolling, avoiding a tough conversation, or letting frustration dictate your words.

The Reality Check: When life is going great and giving us exactly what we want, choosing "towards" moves is easy. It’s effortless to be your best self when the sun is shining.

But let’s be honest—life isn't like that most of the time.

Getting "Hooked" by the Hard Stuff

As we go about our days, difficult situations, thoughts, and feelings inevitably pop up. We experience anxiety. We catastrophize and predict the worst. A nasty little voice inside our head whispers: "You’re not good enough." "You're a failure." "Life sucks." "It’s all too hard."

Here is the secret that connects almost every psychological struggle—from daily stress and anxiety to depression and addiction:

We get hooked by those difficult thoughts and feelings, and we make an away move.

When a painful thought hooks us, we react automatically. We try to escape the discomfort, numb the feeling, or fight the reality. And in doing so, we accidentally step further away from the person we want to be.

How to Unhook and Pivot

The good news? You aren't helpless. There are times when all of us manage to notice a difficult thought, unhook ourselves from it, and choose a towards move anyway. And the better we get at doing this, the better life gets.

If you want to build a life of health, happiness, and genuine well-being, you need two essential helpers in your toolkit:

• Your Values

  To know what a "towards" move looks like, you need a compass. That compass is your values. Who do you care about? What truly matters to you? What sort of person do you want to be deep down? When you clarify your values, you find the inspiration and motivation to choose "towards," even when it’s hard.

• Unhooking Skills

  You can't stop difficult thoughts, emotions, or memories from popping up. But you can learn to unhook from them. By developing the skill to notice a thought without letting it drive your behavior, you regain your power. You get faster at saying, "Ah, there's that 'I'm a failure' thought again," gently setting it aside, and stepping toward what matters.

One step at a time. Building a meaningful life isn't about being perfect; it's about direction. It’s about noticing the moment you get hooked, showing yourself some grace, and choosing a "towards" move anyway.

The more you practice unhooking, the richer your life becomes. So, what’s one small "towards" move you can make right now?

P.S. Remember, you don’t have to figure this out by yourself, and you don’t have to do it alone. If you find yourself getting stuck in old patterns or overwhelmed by difficult thoughts, coaching can provide the guidance, tools, and steady support you need to unhook and start moving forward. If you're ready to build a life aligned with what matters most to you, reach out today and let's do this together.

Wellness to your health,

Virginia

Resources

The Happiness Trap – Book (2nd edition) written by Dr. Russ Harris