Balance: A Reality or a Myth?
I recently came across a post by Amanda Goetz, author of Toxit Grit that deeply resonated with me and challenged the way I think about balance. I’ve always believed that balance is essential for a healthy and fulfilling life—but not the kind of balance that requires constant juggling, pressure, or the illusion of having everything perfectly under control.
When I think about balance, I don’t mean doing everything at once or striving for perfection. To me balance is about not doing too little or too much of any one thing. It’s about building sustainable habits that support mental health, movement, nutrition, and relationships. That foundation—not perfection—is what creates stability and well‑being. And that’s the key difference.
It’s not the same to aim for balance as it is to expect a perfectly balanced life. Balance itself is real. The idea that life can remain perfectly balanced at all times is the myth.
In her post “Why Balance Might Be the Thing Holding You Back from Success,” Goetz shares how she once believed fulfillment came from balancing ambition and motherhood, work and relationships, drive and gratitude. Instead of feeling accomplished, she felt exhausted, guilty, and constantly behind. What she ultimately realized—and what strongly resonated with me—is that the issue isn’t a lack of balance, but the pressure to be everything at once.
In Toxic Grit, she introduces Character Theory, a framework and understanding the different roles we play in life and learning how to honor and separate them. Each version of ourselves has distinct needs, goals, and rules. Trying to merge all of those roles into one perfectly aligned life often creates more chaos than peace.
The real work isn’t about doing less—it’s about transitioning better. And that’s where the art of intentional transitions comes in.
You likely don’t have the luxury to do less… but you need to transition better. When you’re juggling roles (Work, mom, partner, caregiver), the exhaustion often comes not from the tasks themselves, but from whiplash between identities. That’s where the ART of transition comes in.
A = Assess
Before you shift gears, take 30 seconds to ask: Who do I need to become next? What energy, mindset or priorities will this version of me require? Going from boss to bedtime reader requires a different mental state than shifting from solo creative time to socializing. Recognizing the distance between the two roles helps you prepare, rather than abruptly snapping into the next thing and wondering why you feel off or drained.
R = Routine
Now that you know who you need to become, initiate a low-friction ritual to help your brain get there. This could be a walk, a change of clothes, a certain playlist, or even a quick snack or fun drink. The simpler and more consistent, the better. These rituals act like a Pavlovian switch, signaling: “Hey brain, it’s time to shift.” For her, a Post Malone playlist and iced latte means I’m stepping into CEO mode. A glass of wine, a bath, and Frank Ocean equals date night energy. Build a few repeatable cues for each role you play, and you’ll reduce the mental load of shifting roles.
T = Transition
Last step: Say it out loud. Name the role you are stepping into. This is the anchoring moment where you move with intention, not default. It could be as simple as, “Time to be mom now,” or “Let’s go, CEO mode activated.” This short phrase helps you let go of what came before, so you’re not half in one world while pretending to show up in another. This is where Character Theory becomes embodied. You’re stepping into a new script, and that starts with naming your role. If you’re exhausted from trying to "balance it all." If you’ve been chasing alignment but losing yourself in the process...Toxic Grit was written for you.
You’re not failing at balance. You’re human and sometimes, the most balanced thing you can do is stop trying to be every version of yourself at the same time.
As you look at the rest of your day today, what is the very next role you have to step into? Before you rush blindly into it, can you pause for just 30 seconds, name that character, and give yourself the grace of a true transition?
Wellness to your health,
Virginia
